Desire in all its traiterous forms

Have you ever wanted something so badly when you already had everything? Desire is a dangerous addiction to fall under the spell of. But desire is often the thing that most keeps our hearts pulsing life throughout our souls and minds so continuously. What is it you want most in life though you have everything already? Desire can make one feel the ultimate sense of selfishness and yet it is a craving from which one cannot escape. It is inexplicable in its potency and the thought of no longer having that desire can, perhaps, lead to greater disillusionment then having the desire fulfilled. Take me, for instance, I have everything I could possibly want. I have a husband whom adores me, I have children around which my world turns and circumnavigates. And yet, in the core of me, in the deepest caverns and chambers of my heart and mind, there is the innate feeling of despondency. Mind you, I do not often feel this - such is the traitorous deception that can be desire; there one moment nagging and tugging incessantly against my will and gone for many more seconds letting me believe that I am content. What is the opposite of contentment but desire? Is there any other opposite for each other? Two of the greatest opposing forces in this world. Two that can define or redesign entire cultures. And these two are what battle most withing me. I crave and desire to the point of no return and then revel in the warmth of contentment for all its beauty and glory. There are things I desire that can never be spoken aloud - to speak them aloud would be to do the highest injustice of all to the ones who have given so much and vested so much into my being. To not scream them aloud from the highest peaks and the lowest crevices is to do an injustice as well; an injustice to my mind and emotion. Then again, what are emotions but incomprehensible scraps of society directed and influenced fodder that we have have accumulated along the way throughout our life? Are they such that we should invest unlimited time and resources into staggering after them to keep them in what we assume is a measure of balance? Emotions, like desire, are traitorous as well and must be controlled. There is a limit to self control but there must also be a limit to one's lack of control. Desire, when handles with care, can be a radiant source of daily endorphins, or it can be the decline and ultimate crash of everything we have ever known.