Monday, July 7, 2014

The Paranoia of Writing


Someone asked me: "What's it like to have all those stories in your head and to be able to write them?"
I am fairly certain my blank stare and slightly open mouth made them quickly rethink their question and perhaps even ponder as to whether or not I actually HAD anything in my head! The truth is, it's not like anything I really know and so I was rather taken aback at the question. Now I've given it some thought. These are the conclusions I've come too- the answers, if you will.
First, if I could liken it to something I would liken it to paranoia; breathtaking, never boring, exhilarating and confounding but paranoia nonetheless. Why? Imagine there is always the feeling that something or someone is whispering in your head, teasing you from just out of sight, and flashing you just the briefest glimpses of utopia while never quite giving you the directions. That, unfortunately or fortunately, is the closest I can equate all the stories in my head with. They are there, constantly thrumming and circling and it is up to me to chase them down and give them life.
Secondly, I am NOT able to write them all down. This often causes me a great deal of distress as my sometimes narcissistic mind believes that each and every plot is the next Gone With the Wind. I have to force my mind to behave and focus on some and not all at a time. It's dizzying but I wouldn't dismount this out of control carousel for all the sanity in the world!
Lastly, and I realize this was not part of their question but it is part of the answer, being a writer is not something you choose, it is something you are. I did not wake up one day and decide to mount this ever frantic, ever changing pace roller coaster. I did not look at people like F. Scott Fitzgerald or Stephen King and decide that it was my way to be rich. No. Instead, it is something that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. The stories, the characters, the plots have been part of my every waking moment since I first can recall. It's as much a part of me as my heart beat is. Without either, I don't survive.
Now that! Yes, all the above; I wish I had been able to answer that person who first posed to me the question. :)

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