Heat Stroke and Mules of Exaggerated Proportions Part 2

Desert mornings are cool - but on this particular morning there was an underlying current of evil in the sensory form of heat squelching across the skin, causing the eyelids of the unsuspecting gazer to spasm in reluctance as sweat trickled down the brow and assaulted the eyes. There was a thin parchment of dried, crusted, salty perspiration that had encased me through the course of the night and, looking at my perky, sweat-free siblings, I was fairly certain that I had been cursed by Hades to always absorb the heat they never seemed to feel.

Still, we were at the Grand Canyon, now, and I was not going to let a little upper-thigh-rubbing heat rash deter me from having a hoopla of a good time. So, with fresh clothes on and adventure in our hearts, we set out from the tiny lodge and headed the remaining mile or so to the South Rim. My dad, being the Marine that was, had hauled us children out of bed bright and early so we found parking with ease. The Grand Hotel was where the car stopped and out on to the still cool but only for a moment blacktop parking lot we all tumbled.

I won't lie. My discomfort in the heat of Arizona was forgotten by me the second my eyes passed over the ridge on which we all clambered and took in the majesty that is the Grand Canyon. The morning sun had broken gloriously over the top of the Canyon and for as far as my eyes could see there were miracles of colors. Paisleys and sage, lilacs and rust, broken blues and starburst oranges ringed and snaked the walls that descended down - so far down. Far below me a buzzard caught a breeze through a gulley and hitched gracefully in a circle, seeking prey.

From my vantage point, watching the bird of prey below, it suddenly struck my mind that I was the prey and the scenery below and before me was my victim. It was a victim to my imagination. I titled my body precariously over the one metal rail and let my imagination take me. I was tumbling! The rail had cracked and weakened in the unrelenting weather elements over the years and now I was falling towards a certain demise of most grisly form. But wait! I'm graceful and lithe and am capable of clear and coherent thought even as imminent death hurtles towards me. As I fall I twist my body, contorting my position, reaching out with my hands. Above me I hear my family yelling, unable to help. And then a ledge is rushing up towards me from below and I crouch my knees, pointing my toes lightly, hunching my shoulders and back ever so slightly so as to absorb the impact I know is about to happen. It is over in seconds but my mind captured it as if it took minutes instead of seconds. The impact jars my teeth and shakes my eyes but the way I have positioned myself ensures that I break nothing. I have landed much like a cat. Far above me and out of sight, blocked by small overhangs, I hear my family calling and crying my name. I am about to answer, cupping my hands over my mouth, when I see the body. Tucked tightly into a crevice no more than two feet high and run parallel the length of the ledge I am standing on, is a body shoved unceremoniously. But there is no fear or surprise in me, just curiosity. I dip down and peer into the gloom of the crevice. It is a teenager - surely dead - and he has been hidden in here. I have found a body! I rush to the edge f my ledge and begin hollering for someone to come down as quickly as possible. I am going to be on the news, I am going to be hailed for my quick thinking and movements and managing to survive a fall over the edge. The parents of this missing boy will cry and clasp my hands and thank me! I will...

Where's my family?! My heart stuttered as a nearby horn of a tour bus blared and pulled me from my dreams of grandeur. I looked around only to see that they had wandered off, thinking I was following. There are so many people here and what if some deviant kidnapped me! "Wait!" I yelled as I pushed away from the ledge and hurtled quite cowardly-like after their retreating backs. "Keep up," was my Dad's response. "I don't want to lose anyone here." Of course not, I think. I just fell off the edge of the Grand Canyon and you all tra-la-la'd away without even noticing.

We wandered along the edge of the South Rim, oohing and ahhing over each new explosion of color or depth that met our eyes until we came across a large tourist board - you know the type; mini little roof protecting it from the glare of the sun, plexi-glass panels displaying a large map with the "You Are Here" sign. This particular sign displayed the various hiking trails one could take into the abyss of the Grand Canyon. Next to each trail name was a description as well as level of intensity. Did we hone in on the beginners trail with the cute smiley face and thumbs up stick figure? Of course not! That would have been so boring. Well, perhaps the stick figure with a single, solitary drop of sweat splashing off him but still a brave smile and the word Intermediate? But what's one drop of sweat when you've come seeking adventure? Bypass that one and move all the way down the long list of trail to the word, written in an alarming shade of red, that proclaimed "Experienced Hikers Only! High Intensity!" Once again, my dad, being the gung-ho, die hard Marine that he is, jabbed a finger on it. "This one! What do you kids think?"

What did we think? Pft! We were farm kids. Rough and tumble and made of the stuff other only dreamed of. "Yeah!" we yelled in a chorus of ignorance. "We can do it!"

And do it we did. By this time the sun was nearing a ten o'clock zenith of raging, hot hatred on my body but I didn't care. I had seen the sign and the description. This particular trail would take us deep into the bowels of the Canyon, almost to Shadow Ranch which was nestled at the lowest, and deepest part. According to the sign it would be a 8-mile round trip trek. Four down. Four up. Who cared. 8 miles was nothing. Shoot. We walked nearly that every day as we ran up and down cliffs and through woods on our farm back home. "It says we need a lot of water," said Dad. Luckily, we were the smart family. We wouldn't come unprepared. Oh no. My dad had a backpack with two 8oz bottle of water per person in it. We were set! Never mind the 90+ degree heat. We were iron children!

Minutes later we found our feet leaving the paved paths running the edge of the Canyon and noisily, exuberantly kicking up small plumes of dust and specks of gravel rock as we began our descent into the Grand Canyon. We were so full of energy and zest and zeal as we skipped and hopped and scurried down the winding cutback trail that sank lower and lower. I was sticky with sweat but from the position of the sun, the walls of the Canyon provided a decent amount of shade and going down is always easy.

Still, because of the way the trail continuously switched back on itself, and got more and more narrow, limiting adrenaline fueled movement, the climb down quickly proved rather tedious work. Several times my clumsy, size 9 feet skittered on a patch of loose rock and dirt and my heart beat screamed that I was going to plummet over the edge and die so there was no room for my imagination to fly. I was focused solely on the exquisite view and staying upright. It was fun. I t was very fun. We laughed and talked and then paused to gawk at the sure-footed line of little mules that passed us, carrying tourists. I didn't know there were mule rides? I like mules. I tried to convince my dad to buy a sociopathic mule once and when he said no I attempted to board said animal - but that's another story for another day. Why were we not riding mules? Oh, that's right. We were iron children. And the trek continued.

It took far longer than we expected to reach just the half way point going into the Canyon and by the time we did there were five bottles of hot water left, and we were all covered in a several alternating layers of white dust and sweat. The half-way point was beautiful! A literal Canyon Oasis calling us in the rest a minute or two. The trail reached the Oasis and the ground leveled out, spreading about in a decent sized circle, shaded by trees, providing a spot to relieve one's self, and, glory hallelujah! there was a fresh Spring of water bubbling up out of the ground and creating a narrow brook that bubbled and trickled happily down the Canyon. We all rushed the wet jewel simultaneously - even my dad. The water was ice cold and crystal clear and numerous other hikers had dropped their well stocked bags and stripped their socks and shoes to rest beside the water.

What a relief it was when my dad told us to take off our socks and shoes and lay in the water. "Wait. You want us to lay down in the water?" "Yes," he replied. "This is a little more than I thought it would be and it's only going to get hotter. We can do this again on the way back up." In we all went. Ahhhhh!!! I couldn't remember the last time water felt so cleansing and refreshing. All around us, people talked quietly, laughing, resting, watching our family in amusement. Who cared? Certainly not me. I was finally not hot. Dipping my head back, I let the water swirl my brown hair and I sighed. Some of the water got into my mouth and I almost spit it out, thinking how many nasty bare feet had been in this creek, but I didn't, because...No one ever drinks water that others are lying in. And if they did, they did it at the wrong time. Once every hundred years, a fissure so small the naked eye cannot see it opens up on the creek bed and releases a potent and powerful stream of Kalimyte. Kalimyte is the essence of life and when, for that brief few minutes it is released into the water, someone drinks it, they will cease to age. I was that person. I was the girl who was in the right place at the wrong time. The life force slid down my throat, absorbed into every pore of my body. A year from now won't make much difference and no one will really notice that I haven't aged or grown. Five years from now they will wonder. Ten years from now I will have been rushed to every doctor known to man. Fifteen years from now I will have to run away, fleeing from those mad scientists who would seek to experiment on the girl who never ages. I will be frozen in the body I have now but I will be hunted. They will come after me. Those sadistic...

"Everybody out," called my dad and my eyes snapped open. Already? I shook off the imaginings and hauled my drenched and dripping body from the creek. As I slipped my socks and shoes back on I couldn't help but wish, with a very tiny part of me, that maybe, just maybe, a little Kalimyte got into me.

To Be Continued...

Promo Tour & Giveaway ~ Love Notes Boxed Set

Title: "Love Notes": Four Musical Romance Novels

Release Date: February 2nd, 2015

Purchases: Amazon

 

 

 

Synopsis Via: Goodreads

 

 



                                                                    

 

 

Pain never truly goes away, until you find something deeper and meaningful that cures the heart and fills it with love.
That is what Aurora desperately wants to believe. That somehow her music can save her, or even touch the unreachable heart of the guy she has liked for years.

Rora yearns for his attention and wants to experience this so-called love that could possibly end her long suffering and inspire her to chase after her dreams.

In deeply understanding the feelings of others and herself, will Aurora give up on ever finding true happiness, or will an intriguing soul teach her about the greatest song ever written?

 

 

~~From The Author~~

 

The Right Song Playlist

One of the ways that The Right Song separates itself from my other releases is the fact that I’ve implemented my love for music. Over the years, I’ve written a ton of songs that I haven’t shared with anyone until now. So, I decided since I’m going to write a book about a girl pursuing music, why not use some of my own song lyrics. That aside, I still needed inspiration for the overall feel of the story and to help create a good atmosphere that I can write in. Here are the songs that have helped me with the development of “The Right Song” (None applies directly to a scene, with the exception of Never Let Me Go, Even in Death, and Who Knew):

01. Jena Lee ‘Mon Ange’

Watch Video

02. Florence + the Machine ‘Never Let Me Go’

03. Avril Lavigne ‘Hush Hush’

04. Evanescence ‘Even in Death’

05. Kelly Clarkson ‘Walk Away’

06. David Cook ‘Time Marches On’

07. P!nk ‘Who Knew’

08. Bruno Mars ‘Talking to the Moon’

09. Joan Jett & The Blackhearts ‘I Love Rock N Roll’

10. Halestorm ‘Love Bites‘

 

 

 

 

Book Trailer

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~~Featured Titles in Series~~

 

 

Revenge of a Band Geek Gone Bad by Naomi Rabinowitz

Shy, overweight Melinda Rhodes' sophomore year of high school isn't going so well. Her own mother mocks her weight. Her pants split in the middle of school, earning her the nickname, "Moolinda." She then loses first chair flute in band to Kathy Meadows, her pretty and popular nemesis.

Her luck changes when she catches the eye of Josh Kowalski, a rebellious trumpet prodigy and class clown. Josh has also been hurt by Kathy and asks Melinda to help take Kathy down. Mel figures that she has nothing to lose ... and Josh is adorable with gorgeous blue eyes and a winning smile. She agrees to team up with him and looks forward to finally getting back at her rival.

At first, the pair's pranks are silly, and as they work together, Mel comes out of her shell. Even better, she finds herself falling for Josh and it appears as if he might feel the same way about her.

However, their schemes become more and more dangerous and Mel is surprised to discover her dark side. Just how far will she go to get what she wants -- and is Josh really worth the risk?

***

                           Straight from the Heart by Breigh Forstner

This is a story about a girl discovering and experiencing life for the first time.

Bryn Schaefler grew up rich. Her parents expected the best out of her, picked her boyfriend for her, and groomed her to be the next trophy wife fresh out of High School. But when they discover she wants to pursue music instead of following in her mothers footsteps, they wanted to hear nothing about it.

That was when Bryn left for good.

By chance, she auditioned for main stream rock band Everlasting. Never in a million years did she think she would make it.

Cale Pelton knew it was his fault for the band scrambling around to find a new guitarist. Once he saw Bryn audition, he knew he had to have her. Not just in the band, but in his mind, body and soul.

This is the first book in the Straight from the Heart series. Follow Cale and Bryn as she goes on her first tour, and discovers there's so much more to her than she ever realized.

 

***

                                         Pieces of Me by Kira Adams

 

 

For sixteen year old Peyton Lane, life has never been easy. She’s not popular, overweight, and oh yeah, her sister is embarrassed of her. But over the course of a tumultuous year, everything changes for Peyton. Suddenly all eyes are on her and it’s not because she’s fat. From a pair of handsome twins to a couple of dangerously sexy rockers, Peyton will have to find out who she can trust with her heart. From the ups and downs to the twists and turns — this is Peyton’s story of finding one’s voice and growing into your own.

This is a coming of age romance that involves realistic situations and raw emotions. This is Pieces of Me.

 

 

Tour Schedule: Follow the books, follow the blogs! 

 

Kira Adams ~ kristakakes.blogspot.com

Shane Morgan ~ www.shanemorganwrites.com

Naomi Rabinowitz ~ naomirabinowitzauthor.blogspot.com

Breigh Forstner ~ facebook.com/breighforstnerauthor

 

 



 

 

 

Two Winners will receive a music note necklace!



Click Here To Enter

 

 

 



What Authors and Publishers Don't Get About YA

In a world of Young Adult novels and the new, up and coming genre slot of New Adult I, as a writer of YA/NA have noticed an alarming trend. We are handing over to the young adults of this generation books filled with epic romances, sweeping tales of adventure and passion, and, above all else, an inability to credit the readers their due worth. What do I mean by this? Our readers have a "due worth"? Yes. Indeed they do.

The problem I see in full swing is that the characters of today are wishy-washy (namely the young females). They more often than not find themselves immersed in a love triangle between the bad boy and the good boy. Our characters are driven by emotions and plagued with doubt in themselves. Careful! These very things insinuate that the young people reading the books have only those attributes to call their own.

While there are some who may dispute the fact, the truth of the matter is that words influence to a very deep and personal level. So by creating characters that are only superficially strong we are informing our young readers that they are only as strong as their outside world and surroundings dictate. Times have changed and our younger generations grow up faster with more knowledge of the world than, say, fifty years ago. So it only goes to reason that we give out readers characters that will help them grapple the adult world they are placed in.

Give them credit. They are smart, brave, and willing to learn. Create for them characters that are not merely governed by the emotions of the moment and influenced by the current love interest in their life. Emotions are well enough but our readers have logic as well. So give them a character that is able to balance their emotions with the logic of their minds. Show them that they can overcome through their own wisdom and strength. Persuade them that they are enough and that through virtue of character they can conquer come what may!

Keep in mind when creating a world for YA readers that these people are the New Adults of a new generation. We want them confident, strong, persuasive, and majestic. As a writer I often think when creating a character that I hope I am creating a fictional person my readers can look up to. Give your readers more credit. They are not superficial and dependent. They are brilliant and strong and their minds are nubile and young and looking for courage that is more than skin deep.

Our readers deserve their due worth. They deserve to have their minds influenced by the powerful, not the weak.

Elusive Mask

When you need sleep the most, why is it that it is farthest away? The haunting hour has come and gone and still I find that I am tossing and turning. So what do I do? Do I drink a glass of warm milk with a dash of cinnamon? No. Do I turn on soothing music to numb my mind? No. Do I bury my face beneath the pillows and will it come to me? No. None of those. I instead find myself here, before a glowing screen, watching as my fingers fly across the keyboard and leave behind black imprints that are forever a reminder of my mind’s inability to shut down.
So many thoughts have been pouring through my mind. I have been racking my brain for the perfect Query letter for agents. The characters from my novels (Covered In Darkness and The Grim Daughter and The Coldest Moment) have come together in my head to throw a party of sorts. It’s a party I did not ask for and was apparently not invited to as the words are too garbled for me to even place them into a manuscript form at the moment. I have been ticking off moments I missed in my life and moments I wish I could visit again. Like I said, there are so many thoughts in my head.
I did, however, find my way to a large bowl of knock-off brand Frosted Flake cereal. I am fairly certain that inhaling a bowl of sugary crunchiness at this time in the morning is NOT the way to find sleep. Still, I don’t care because at this point, I do not think I am going to find sleep at all.
Sleep is an elusive mask for me. It always has been. From the time I was young, I wore the shadowy adornment mere hours a night and sometimes not at all. I love sleep as much as the next but, like a Mardi Gras mask made for someone else, sleep is the mask that does not fit me comfortably for more than a short time. I am going to attempt to harness and reign in the characters in my head and form some sort of order out of their meanderings onto a page. Perhaps fighting with them for the right to have my way will bring me the elusive mask of sleep. We shall see.

And The Waves Came Crashing Down

“Oh please God!” I was shaking, I was trembling, my heart rate was accelerating at a violent speed, I was sure that I would have a heart attack at any moment.
“It isn’t real. I’m not that bad. I’ve made mistakes but this isn’t going to be one of them!” I screamed the words vehemently at myself, the words ricocheting like bullets through the tiny, enclosed interior of my car. I hurt my throat yelling the words, as if the pain of screaming could somehow erase the two pink lines slashed across the loathsome white stick in my hand.
I was living in Hawaii – paradise – and I had recently learned that being single was fun. I had discovered the joys of reporting to know one, being accountable to only myself, sleeping when I chose, seeing who I wished, going as I desired. Single life was intoxicating and gratifying and I had decided I would never leave it behind. But then I peed on a stick, shoved said stick in a bag, tossed it into the passenger seat of my car, and drove out to a hidden spot of rocky beach.
“I’m not pregnant,” I whispered to myself. I pulled the stick out of the bag, turned on an overhead light, read the dreaded message in those two lines, and listened as outside my car, the waves came crashing down.
~ ~ ~
My entire childhood I was perceived as the black sheep of my extremely conservative, mild-mannered, church-going family. There were twelve of us counting my parents. Two were authoritarian and the other nine were obedient, peaceful, willing to except rules at their word. I was rebellious, eager to break rules and promises and rush into the dangerous surf that was life outside of my protective family. They were content on dry land and I wasn’t content unless I had nearly drowned in my mistakes.
At eighteen I fled the shelter of my home, enlisted in the military, got orders, hopped a plane and flew far away from Arkansas to the wild, loose-hanging, tropics of Hawaii. Here there were no critiquing eyes or ominous stares of judgment. Here there were no rules or speed limits or lifeguards; there was only exhilarating freedom the likes of which I had never known. I picked up a cigarette, I picked up a boyfriend, I picked up profanity, and I picked up sex. I picked up the pieces of all the rules I had so gleefully shattered and dumped them into the oceans of the world.
Arkansas had been my prison for seven years. With so many children my parents had whisked us away to the Bible-belt state, declaring “It’s our job to protect you!” They moved us down miles of winding, dry dirt road, isolated from the influences of the world, secure from mistakes we could not take back, ensconced in the simplicity and good intentions of a small, church-going community. “At the end of this road I can see anyone and anything coming,” my dad one day said to us. I wonder if he ever looked down the road and saw me going.
I spent those years running through the woods, inhaling clean and pure air; I dove into crystal lakes and chased the slithering roads to wherever they would lead but always, always, I was a landlocked ocean, roiling and quivering to be set free. I was desperate to break the surface and make a new way.
Hawaii gave me everything I wanted and I gave it everything I needed until I found myself, heaving and turning, at the bottom, caught in a tide of my own doing, with no choice but to swim with the current or be dragged forever under.
~ ~ ~
“But I don’t want to tell him!” I pleaded with my best friend. The thought of telling the guy I was sleeping with about the pregnancy was more terrifying than the pregnancy itself. To tell him would be to open myself up to commitment. I didn’t want that! But what if he did? Ugh! Shudders ran through me. Too bad my best friend was also really good friends with the guy I was casually seeing.
“You tell him or I will,” she said. “It’s only fair.”
I hated her and her self-righteous sense of fairness in that moment but the look in her eyes dared me to test her resolve. Fine. I would tell him and pray he took off.
I was a mess by the time I got to his place. Mascara ran down my face in blackened streaks, troubled inlets of the night time ocean, pouring over and revealing the feelings in my core at that moment. He was thrilled to see me, then worried.
“What’s up?” His voice was hesitant.
I took that horrible stick and flung it on the ground in front of him. “That’s what’s up.”
He took one look at it and broke into a grin that would make the Cheshire cat envious. He was thrilled? I was shocked. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? He was supposed to be pissed and I was supposed to be free to go my own way. But no, he smiled like I had handed him heaven and another wave tumbled down on me.
~ ~ ~
I broke all the rules growing up; I took them and I tossed them aside like unwanted clutter when I moved away from Arkansas. I tried but there was always, gnawing away at me, the nature vs. nurture of my upbringing. I was raised to do the right thing by other people. “There are times you don’t come first,” my mom would say to me again and again, her eyes serious and demanding. “Sometimes there are bigger aspects in play than your immediate desires and feelings,” my dad would add when I found myself so wrapped up in me that I forgot there was a whole world out there. These things were ingrained in me, nurtured in me. And yet, these things are also a part of who I am.
Like an ocean before a Tsunami – calm but deadly and ready to overtake underneath the surface – these things pulled far back and then crashed up inside of me in that moment he smiled so beautifully at me. They siphoned up and flooded over into my mind and pressed my desire down, down, down. He was grabbing me, hugging me, spinning me around and I was dizzy and the world was spinning and, oh God please don’t let this be real! But it was real. It was reality in him leaning back, looking at me, “If it’s a girl, can we please name her Emily?” Now I really couldn’t breathe. I really was drowning and I couldn’t find my way back to the surface because now there was more than me.
Now there was a man who wanted this baby so badly. Now there was a child forming that would one day want a father. Now there was a man willing to be a dad and now there was a child who would one day wonder why I stole her chance to have a father who had loved her so dearly from the very first moment.
~ ~ ~
A month later, I walked out of a courthouse with a man who was acting like he had won the lottery and professing endless love to me. I smiled woodenly, nodded in false happiness, and tried to stay afloat.
He told everyone. I told no one. He called his family. I never once mentioned it to my family. He raved about how wonderful being married to me would be and he drove me to the beach. He took my hand and asked how I was. I looked at the ocean, wishing I could run into it and swim far away from reality. I looked at him.
“You know I don’t love you,” I said quietly.
He smiled tenderly. “But someday you will,” he spoke confidently. And he said it in such a way, with such conviction, that for the first time since it had started, I didn’t feel the wave that came crashing down.

Heat Stroke and Mules of Exaggerated Proportions Part 1

I was sixteen - I think. Or perhaps I was fifteen. Age is somewhat an irrelevant subject matter to me now that I have passed my dreaded age of thirty. I'll stick with fifteen as I have a problem with even numbers.
Fifteen and a pension for travelling and seeing anything besides Arkansas. That was me. Always me. I dreamt big and lived small. Until the day my father announced he would be taking me and my four siblings or veritable age on a road trip to see the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon! I was ecstatic! I had only ever seen pictures of it in books and on post cards. Yes! This was going to be the highlight of my spring!
A week later, accompanied by my dad and said siblings, we loaded into our dusty old van, waved farewell to my mom and five younger siblings, and began the drive that would take me out of the country wilds of Arkansas! This was very important to me at the time - leaving Arkansas - so I mention this again and again. My brain was swamped, no, consumed with this through my teenage years. I loved every second of the drive. I plastered my face to the window and squealed silently in delight as we passed the first state line. I drooled in wonder as we passed through the badlands of Texas, the liquid gold and rose sunset melting into the broken horizon. I reveled in the freedom of not being under my mother's eye (to say we clashed as I grew up would be an understatement.)
Finally, there it was. That magnificent blue sign with the half sun of yellow and orange rays welcomed me to Arizona! It wasn't long after that we arrived at the Grand Canyon. We knew we were close more than an hour before we reached it. In the distance, far ahead, seemingly at the end of the flat stretch of grey we drove on, there seemed to be a thick, black line marring the unbroken expanse of flat. We drove and drove and still, that slithering black line stayed ahead of us.
"That's the Grand Canyon," my dad announced. I remember I unbelted and spilled over the seat to crouch behind his seat and take in the darkness that was my light. It was magnificent even as nothing more than a broken and blurred line. It grew darker and darker as the sun set and yet, somehow, the Canyon ahead of us defeated the night and was visible through it. I loved this place already!
It was pitch black and late at night when we finally stopped. There was a small cluster of rustic, wooden cabins in a horse shoe layout on the side of the road. A dirty sign boasted "Canyon Lodging! Free Ice!" At the time I remember thinking that free ice was an odd advertisement for lodgings. My dad went in to purchase us a one room cabin and returned. "The old timer at the desk says we're only 15-20 minutes from the Rim," he told us. We had been driving nonstop and were mostly excited. I say mostly because I was far to amped on excitement to feel tired.
Still. We found our numbered cabin and spilled out of the vehicle, ready to stretch our cramped leg muscles. I was ready to - good gods; what was THIS? The night heat of Arizona hit me like  brick oven. I always assumed nights in the desert were cold, or at least semi-cool. Apparently, at this particular time of year, the very random year we decided to head to the Grand Canyon, an intense heat wave was blistering the area and all within it.
Sweat immediately broke out on my forehead, I mopped at those repulsive, salty beads in a disgruntled attempt to save my very unfortunate teenage skin from yet another acne breakout and tested my ability to breathe in the thick air. My siblings seemed fine but then, I have always been the odd quack in the family that cannot handle heat over 60 degrees. In we went to the one room cabin. Air conditioning was a tiny box in the window and it was off. I remedied that and stood before the cool, stale air, flapping my shirt furiously, trying to stay dry.
"It's not that hot," scoffed my brother James.
I glared but that was all I had the energy for. My excitement and adrenaline had been drained by a heat sucking Vampire named Desert Heat Wave. The good news, I told myself, was that tomorrow would be better because we were going to get up early in the morning and surely the early morning air would hold a kiss of relief from the heat. I thought of the ice maker I had seen on the way in to this lodging area and my mouth salivated at the thought of crunchy, icy goodness going down my throat and lowering my core temperature. Then I thought of the teens I had seen in the distance as we pulled in and immediately my mind began conjuring up an epic romance.
I was a lover and a writer at heart. I could see it then. I would ask to go to the ice machine and fetch a bucket of ice. On my way there I would ensure I passed by the group of teens I had spied. One would notice me. The handsomest one of course. He would approach me as I scraped up some ice. "Hey," he would say with a dazzling smile. I would respond with a half smile - slightly mysterious and not overly interested. My aloof nature would surely intrigue him and then-
"No ice, just get to sleep," cut in my dad's voice. Apparently I had asked to get ice and not even realized it. If my face could have fallen it would have but the  heat had already dropped it as far as I am sure it could go at that point. There would be no midnight desert rendezvous  for me; only the incessant heart that the rickety air conditioner could not touch. With a sigh, I flopped onto the tiny, scratchy, olive green couch. I didn't sleep much that night. Visions of a cool morning, swimming in a pool of ice and the reality of what felt like burlap scratching my sweaty skin kept me company until dawn.
To Be Continued...

Black Sheep Alphabet

B. Branded, blemished, backwards, brilliant, belligerent, bested, bitten, bitter.
All words that are B. I prefer to think of these as the backbone, the beginning, if you will, of what I am saying. All Black Sheep have a B and they all have a beginning. Mine is bitter and yet I belligerently insist I am brilliant which is so very backwards. I have blemished myself to the point I am branded and I now know that my ignorance bested me.

L. Liar, ludicrous, lamented, lame, lethargic, laughable.
The second step towards the perfect black sheep of the family and they are all words laughable in their irony when searching for acceptance. It is ludicrous to think that I could be so self-lamentable that the liar I had become was nothing more than a lazy and lethargic step towards isolation.

A. Askew, asked, ambitious, annoying, agonizing, apathetic, astray.
How did conditions of life go so askew? I was asked this and wondered at my annoying delusions. Had I become so apathetic to the joy around me that I preferred to spend agonizing days on the outskirts of family? My ambitious resolve to be different had led me astray.

C. Cornered, clever, covered, collided, coined, creepy, crazy, callous.
I find in this step I have cornered myself into telling the truth which has collided with my reality. I am not clever, I have not coined the term 'different' and I have covered my mistakes and the knowledge of them with callous actions, creepy delusions, and crazy hopes that someday the Black Sheep will be a good thing.

K. Keeper, killer, kind.
I am the keeper of wrong in my own little world, never noticing that I have become the killer of kindness from others around me. Were I kind I might have earlier called off this self-destructive behavior. I was riddled in the head and did no such thing.

S. Selfish, solitary, silent, simpleton, seduced.
How did I not recognize sooner that the selfish acts with which I perceived made me different were the very acts that left me solitary in a silent world? I did not know because I was a simpleton, seduced by my own over-inflated sense of self.

H. Help, holler, handed, hole, hectic, helpless, hopeless, higher.
At some point on our roads to self-destruction we have to recognize our helplessness and our whispered cries for help. I had to. I had landed myself in a hole of my own digging and handed myself the shovel to bury myself. My mind was hectic and my soul hopeless because I forgot to look higher than my own misery.

E. Escape, enigma, everything, Everest.
When I finally looked I knew I must escape. The thought of finding more than my own wallowing was an enigma with which I was unfamiliar and it took everything in me to climb the Everest of my shame.

E. Endings, egregious, empowerment, encouragement.
Endings for a Black Sheep such as myself are the beginnings to empowerment that I had long since thought I left behind and would never find. I had committed egregious acts against those who loved me most and when I acknowledged this I found encouragement that had always been waiting for me.

P. Prize, priceless, peers, perfection, past, penance, portrayal, poignant, purification.
After years of running and fighting and hating and whining I find that things I thought I was winning were no prize at all. What was priceless and what I had been seeking were the things so poignant and sweet that when I embraced them in the form of acceptance (self and otherwise) the purification of self-loathing that came after ripped away my past with a perfection I never knew before. A portrayal of the Black Sheep is hard to do, there are so many things, but this was my beginning and my end.